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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

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Hipsters.

Come on.

Let’s stick with animals we can handle as pets. Like cats. Cats are great. You can act uninterested in them and they will act uninterested in you. It’s adorable. It’s perfect.

Or maybe dogs. You can make them wear matching bows and/or bow ties as you if you are so inclined. It could be cute. Think about those little doggy hoodies at American Apparel or matching sweaters. I know I do.

Fish? Fish are also great. You can flush them in the toilet when they die! That’s pretty cool.

But chickens? Chickens do NOT make sense.

Camilla the Chicken

No offense to Camilla,  the Resident Chicken of Sesame Street

Chickens are not cute. They are not fun. They  will try bite when you try to take their yummy little eggs. Meanwhile,  that rooster situation? They don’t just make that crowing noise in order to be your sweet little 10 AM alarm clock. They make it ALL THE TIME. Oh, and BTW. You’re probably spreading salmonella.

Some hipsters have figured this out and have decided to eliminate their chicken problem. But instead of breaking the lil chicken necks  and roasting them for Shabbos dinner as our great-grandmothers did in shtetls for years, they abandon their once-so-chic-but-hard-to-deal-with pets.  LIttle Red Hen is left to fend for herself in the tough streets of Portland or Foghorn Leghorn finds himself fighting Rottweilers for his dinner in an animal shelter.

In conclusion, Hipsters, stop trying to romanticize farming. Leave chickens alone. And if you don’t want your chickens, send them to me. I don’t have money for food.

 

 


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